The "Last" Birthday
Today is my wife's 23rd 29th birthday, quite sadly the last one she'll ever celebrate. Oh, sure, there will be anniversarys of the 29th birthday for years to come; and, truth be told, I almost don't blame her for not wanting to celebrate the next sequential number - need I remind you of how I celebrated my 30th?
Nevertheless, as this is the last numerically numbered birthday my betrothed will allow us to scribble on a cake, I have been about my business these past few weeks attempting to find the holy grail - the perfect gift. Somewhere in Genesis must be the commandment given by God that the husband shall rule over the Earth and buy his wife presents. Yes, presents. Plural. It's somewhere after we gave them our rib.
There is a flaw in this process that I particularly exhibit, and that is wrapping. For the most part, I give her things that will fit in a bag so that she doesn't come home and think a 10 year old has broken in to the house and wrapped some stuff up. And really, who came up with this idea of wrapping birthday gifts, anyway? I hope they choked on a bow.
Anyhow, I set about my job of locating the grail by the most complex manner possible - I asked my wife. Now, during the other 363 days of the year, this is a woman that will mention to me "I'd like this" and "I wouldn't mind having that" when we're out at various places. But if you ask her a point blank question, she gets a shell shocked, deer in the headlights look and immediately follows it up with "Oh, I don't know - nothing too extravagant." Many men, far stupider than I, have fallen on those Cliffs of Insanity.
So questioning her no longer is a viable option. Any extra interrogation illicits a response along the lines of "you've known me for ____ years/months and you don't know?!?" (Not that I've ever gotten this response, I have heard it used before) So, jumping off the Cliffs, I parasailed and perused through various websites and stores, namely the ones she frequents most - Pottery Barn, Williams Sonoma, BassPro Shops... I may have wandered off course just a smidge.
At the end of it all, though, I realized something. There was no commandment from her that I get her The Perfect Gift. That was apparently a conversation I have in my head (like you don't have them, too). When it comes down to it, I'm sure she'd just like to sit down and have a nice meal and spend some time with me, while gazing longingly at her new oh, now I'm going to tell you?.
About one hour ago, my lovely, 29 years young wife stumbled down the stairs on this birthday morning and dsicovered the first part of the grail - a not a chance with some are you kidding me. Today when she gets home she'll see the next part of what I found for her, a fuhgedaboutit. And in another week or so, when the US postal service gets a round tuit, the remainder of her presents will arrive - if you're actually reading this, you know I won't give a thing away.
At the end of it all, though, I realized something. There was no commandment from her that I get her The Perfect Gift. That was apparently a conversation I had in my head (like you don't have them, too). When it comes down to it, I'm sure she'd just like to sit down and have a nice meal and spend some time with me, while gazing longingly at her new oh, now I'm going to tell you?.
Happy Birthday, Hunny, for many years to come!
Nevertheless, as this is the last numerically numbered birthday my betrothed will allow us to scribble on a cake, I have been about my business these past few weeks attempting to find the holy grail - the perfect gift. Somewhere in Genesis must be the commandment given by God that the husband shall rule over the Earth and buy his wife presents. Yes, presents. Plural. It's somewhere after we gave them our rib.
There is a flaw in this process that I particularly exhibit, and that is wrapping. For the most part, I give her things that will fit in a bag so that she doesn't come home and think a 10 year old has broken in to the house and wrapped some stuff up. And really, who came up with this idea of wrapping birthday gifts, anyway? I hope they choked on a bow.
Anyhow, I set about my job of locating the grail by the most complex manner possible - I asked my wife. Now, during the other 363 days of the year, this is a woman that will mention to me "I'd like this" and "I wouldn't mind having that" when we're out at various places. But if you ask her a point blank question, she gets a shell shocked, deer in the headlights look and immediately follows it up with "Oh, I don't know - nothing too extravagant." Many men, far stupider than I, have fallen on those Cliffs of Insanity.
So questioning her no longer is a viable option. Any extra interrogation illicits a response along the lines of "you've known me for ____ years/months and you don't know?!?" (Not that I've ever gotten this response, I have heard it used before) So, jumping off the Cliffs, I parasailed and perused through various websites and stores, namely the ones she frequents most - Pottery Barn, Williams Sonoma, BassPro Shops... I may have wandered off course just a smidge.
At the end of it all, though, I realized something. There was no commandment from her that I get her The Perfect Gift. That was apparently a conversation I have in my head (like you don't have them, too). When it comes down to it, I'm sure she'd just like to sit down and have a nice meal and spend some time with me, while gazing longingly at her new oh, now I'm going to tell you?.
About one hour ago, my lovely, 29 years young wife stumbled down the stairs on this birthday morning and dsicovered the first part of the grail - a not a chance with some are you kidding me. Today when she gets home she'll see the next part of what I found for her, a fuhgedaboutit. And in another week or so, when the US postal service gets a round tuit, the remainder of her presents will arrive - if you're actually reading this, you know I won't give a thing away.
At the end of it all, though, I realized something. There was no commandment from her that I get her The Perfect Gift. That was apparently a conversation I had in my head (like you don't have them, too). When it comes down to it, I'm sure she'd just like to sit down and have a nice meal and spend some time with me, while gazing longingly at her new oh, now I'm going to tell you?.
Happy Birthday, Hunny, for many years to come!
posted by misawa at 7:40 AM
1 Comments:
You know - I actually fell for the blank lines trick and thought you were giving me a hint. You know me too well. But I definitely like the idea of being 29 the rest of my life. Life is good.
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