As the idiot walks

So there I was (because that's how all good redneck-in-peril stories begin... and yes, this is almost a redneck-in-peril story). Sitting in my hotel room in grand ol' Baltimore, looking down upon the city from almost top of the Tremont Plaza. It was 5 o'clock, and the streets were more backed up than the line at the beer stand for a Baptist picnic. What's a pudgy, suburban house-dad to do?

Donning my trusty Cabela's parka and SPSU sock hat, I hit by the "attractions" kiosk in the lobby to figure out where to head. I figure, can't go wrong with the Inner Harbor, center of most things civilized (read: it has a Barnes and Noble and a Starbucks). Now, gentle reader, do note that there is a... err, note on this machine that clearly states "walking directions." This is where things start to get interesting.

I head out the door and start to follow the printout, taking note of the various sites I see. I left, right, left to Baltimore St, then South St... and then I notice them. Trucks. Lots of them. Big ones, too.

Loaded in the back of the first truck: SWAT vests, body armor, boots. All marked Baltimore PD. Cool, I think; I'm in the safest part of the city right now.

More truck stuff, including lights - BIG lights. Like Batman without the symbol. I sneak a peek to my right as I approach an intersection - completely blocked off by one of the jerks with the trucks - and see a wall of cars one behind the other. But.. it's quiet. My eyes drift up and just as I see the camera...

"Quiet on the set!" Ohhhh did things get quiet - even the crickets were quiet.
"Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah take 32! Click!"
"Action!"

Pandemonium. Horns blaring. People come out of nowhere walking the roped off street block that I just wandered in to!!! I'm on a movie set, folks!

Only the camera wasn't even close to pointing at me. Oh, well.

But, it's for the children!

A Garland, TX mom is the latest victim of PSH - that's pants-pooping-hysteria - when her precious little one brought home a coloring book from the NRA's Eddie Eagle program that contained - now brace yourselves - pictures with guns. Oh, the horror!

"Not only do I think it's inappropriate to provide this information to my 5-year-old, but this is a program published by the NRA," said Nicola Howe, Samone's mother.

The coloring book includes illustrations of handguns and rifles.

"Having pictures of guns that children color in I think is sending the wrong message," said Howe.

The book is called Gun Safety with Eddie Eagle and it's published by the NRA. It's part of the Garland Independent School District's Health and Safety Curriculum.

"If a student comes across a weapon, they're supposed to stop, don't touch the weapon and then run away and tell an adult. Those are the parts that are taught," said Reavis Wortham with Garland I.S.D.

Howe doesn't see it as deterrent. She believes it only encourages curiosity.

"At 5 years old, anytime you tell a child not to touch something, that's exactly what they do. It's in their nature to be curious and to touch and handle things," said Howe.

Samone attends kindergarten at Sewell Elementary School. Not only did she get a coloring book, but her class also watched a video featuring Eddie Eagle.

"Gun ownership, control and safety are hot topics as well. It just simply has no place in our school systems," said Howe.

Yes, Mrs. Howe - a 5 year old is naturally curious. For that matter, so is a 10 year old, 15 year old, and... well a 35 year old. And there are other things far more instantaneously dangerous to the touch than an evil, vile gun. Do you also scoff at coloring books with pictures of bathtubs or swimming pools, the second leading cause of unintentional child deaths in 2003? For that matter, I sincerely hope you keep your precious little one away from cars, which kill more kids each year than anything else man could devise.

Oh, that's right - swimming pools and mommy's Caddy aren't "hot topics."